how to come apart

You drown me in you

and expect me to breathe you in

but you are not oxygen

you are smoke.

Explains why I never could catch you.

And you touch me when she's not looking.

 It feels like beauty, not the sin it apparently is.

I can't get your eyes to stop appearing

whenever I close my own,

they're almost gold, and they stun me every time.

I get involuntary shivers remembering what you took from me

but I'm a fighter, always have been

and you wouldn't have taken it if I hadn't let you.

My heart.

And I watch her make you laugh

and keep my secrets to myself

sorting through everything else

trying to figure out where I am under my clothes

under my skin

because if my heart isn't what holds me,

what is?

How to come apart: pretend you're not coming apart.