what I'm really afraid of

I'm going to decide wrong.

I'm going to decide to stop writing this blog post about my feelings and write about something I care more about, like, say, high-waisted shorts and how to do wing tip eyeliner.

And while I might be able to convince you that vintage fashion is my only passion, as I am a proficient liar, (they say practice makes perfect) I will never be able to convince myself that you aren't.

I'm going to write about what I'm wearing now, so as to remain numb.
My feet are shod in comfort as of ahora, and body is covered by grace. My figure is accentuated by sadness, but the sharp edges are rounded by love. As you can see, there's a ring made of promises around my finger that connects all the way to my heart, which is completely naked.

Yes'm, my heart is naked.

Because, really, um. I've decided that while fashion is important to me on some list of important things I may or may not have lost, what I feel right now is slightly important-er. *Note: Grammar did not make the list of important things.

And I want you to see my heart as it really is, the breathtaking mess of colors and mashes and holes and regrets and regifts that I still feel guilty about and moments that take your breath away and make mine come in gasps.

I'm feeling something now, and what I'm afraid of is that I'm going to choose not to feel it in favor of numbness. I'm afraid I won't take a risk.

But I sometimes wonder if we both don't already know that I care about you too much to choose being numb.